The lingering throbbing pains in my chest-
Your strong warm hands held tight against my neck,
But I like it.
At least you’re still touching me-
Still within an arm’s reach.
The thought of you vanishing forever
Is like a tapeworm feeding off my emotions,
You sucked the life and compassion through my soul
The part that cared,
But now that’s gone—
Faded away into some unknown oblivion
of compassion sucking leeches.
My legs succumb to the numbness,
My knees buckle from the pressure.
Each agonizing step forward is one step further away from you
Away from your boyish grin
I stop and look back.
You’ve become the boy with a crooked smile
I took one last look at you–
My eyes swollen and red from the tears,
Fragments of mascara smeared down my cheeks–
And I turn back around and walk away.
Never to look back at you
Or your face.
Not like I used to look at you.
A miniscule piece of softheartedness and love
escaped the tapeworm’s wrath.
Slowly, your hands surrender,
Freeing my bruised neck
The suffocation ceases
It’s still hard to breathe.
Every time I see you,
I won’t forget
But I’m healing
And piecing myself together.