Oh the joys of working in a customer service based setting. Technically, I’m a SCCG Account Rep. That means “Sales Contact Center Government Rep.” We take all the incoming calls from customers – who are supposed to be with a government entity – and get them to the correct contact. For anyone who doesn’t know where I work, I’m with CDW. We are an Information Technology reseller – we seem to be a target for some crazy calls. I decided that I needed to document this every month.
Enjoy the bloopers!
Customer had me look up this product:
Customer: “So if i buy this and wrap tv on cart, it secure, right?”
Me: “Wait, you want to use this to secure a TV to a cart? Like, to move from room to room?
Customer: “No. In car. I don’t want to fall when driving.”
Me: “I would not do that.”
Customer: “I can buy and try, though?”
Me: “I can’t stop you from buying anything, but I wouldn’t do it. You can test that out if you would like however, I need you to be aware that when your tv falls and breaks, CDW is not liable.”
Customer: “Sooo I bought this wireless mouse from ya’ll. Over the summer we lost that part thingy that goes into the computer. Will the mouse still work without that piece?”
Me: “No it will not work.”
Customer: “I can return it then right?”
Me: “No. Return policy doesn’t cover items that were misplaced.”
Customer: “Well, I’ll just say that we never received it.”
Me: “Except you just told me you lost it.”
Customer (in a robot voice): “Can I talk to the president?”
Me (knowing darn well who he wanted, I pretended that he wanted to talk to the president of CDW): “Tom Richards? No – we can’t transfer you to him. What is this in regards to?”
Customer: “Um no, ma’am. Obama. Don’t you know who are president is???”
Me: “I’m very aware of whom our President is. Are YOU aware that you called an Information Technology company?
Me: “And what makes you think that a reseller can connect you to Obama?”
Customer: “Well, shit. I don’t know.”
I hung up.
Customer: “Hi. Do you want to hear a joke?”
Me: “No. I don’t. Thanks for asking. Good-bye.”
I hung up
Customer: “Ma’am. I need some help.”
Co-worker: “Okay, what can I help you with?”
Customer: “I need to learn how to jump out of an airplane. You can teach me right?”
Co-worker: “Ummm… yeah sure. I can’t guarantee you’d end up alive afterwards.”
Customer: “Well what good are you then?”