“When she awoke, the world was on fire.”

The truth is… I was fired last Thursday.

Yeah, it took me by surprise, too. I waited to write about it simply because I wanted to wait to clear my head. The last thing I wanted to was post something irrational. Rude. Unprofessional. So I waited. But it doesn’t feel any better.

I’m 27 and have never been fired in my life. Never even put on a warning. I’ve never had to say, “I’m unemployed.” “Unemployed” is a scary word. Any time I left a job, I was always told that I could come back if it didn’t work out at my new job. I always left on such a good note. Because, really, why burn bridges?  That’s not really my thing. I like having as many bridges to cross as I can. (And I think it will come in handy now)

But especially around the holidays, to be fired, knowing that I need to start all over again, it just really, for lack of a better word, sucks. It sucks. I’ve cried. I’ve moped. I’ve thought about throwing bricks through windows. I’ve consumed too much wine and chocolate. I sat around in pjs all day watching Netflix.

It is sort of like having someone break up with you and not knowing why. There’s no closure. You know it’s over, and you you know you will be able to move on and be just fine, but how can you know what to fix in the future if you don’t know what’s wrong or what happened?

That’s how I feel.

They said to me, “We just don’t think you are a good fit” and that “you’re making too many mistakes.” When I asked for specifics, my question got dodged and instead they told me I needed to give them my keys and my badge. I sat there motionless. I was shocked. Just a day prior, I received a Christmas card saying, “you’re drive for excellence and hard work are greatly appreciated.” I don’t understand. Nor do I think I will ever really find out why I was fired. What confuses me the most was their request for me to submit a resignation letter. THAT shocked me even more than getting fired. I wanted so badly to belittle them and teach them what a resignation was. But I didn’t. I just sat there, still in shock. I managed to say, “You won’t be receiving a resignation letter. I didn’t resign. You fired me.”

I was a little surprised with myself, though. I can be hot-headed. I know this. It’s been something that I’ve been working on for years. I didn’t “lose my cool” during this meeting. I sat there, listened, and didn’t yell or do anything unprofessional. I guess shock will do that to you. Pat on the back for me.

I’m not going to bash the company. I’m not even going to bash my supervisors or the owner. I’m sure they feel justified in their decision to fire me. And that’s okay. However, I just feel really betrayed. I’m really confused. I feel like I’m missing a piece to a puzzle that will never be found because the dog swallowed up that last piece and now I’ll forever have a puzzle with one piece missing. And it’s always a piece right in the middle. Right smack dab in the middle so everyone can see it. Not one in the corner which can be hidden by a frame. I wouldn’t be that lucky.

My family and friends with whom I’ve already broken down to about this, have told me that “this is for the best,” “everything happens for a reason” or “Megan, you’re an amazing person; you’ll find something better suited for your personality.”

I believe them. I truly don’t believe that I did anything wrong to the point of getting fired. Sure, I made a few mistakes, they even made a point to mention how it was all little things. I was at the job for five weeks, so obviously I will be making mistakes. I’m human. It happens. I know people who have been at their job for YEARS and they still make mistakes.

But that’s okay. I’ll be fine. I’ll find something better. I’ll find a job that actually offers insurance this time. I’m not going to sit and mope about it anymore. I can’t. And I won’t. My job right now is to find another job. And to stay positive.

I’m pretending that I’m just off of work for the holidays. Sort of like an extended vacation. Unpaid, of course. I’ll have more time to spend with my family and see some friends that I haven’t had a chance to lately due to conflicting work schedules. I’ll use this time to refocus my career.

Maybe I’ll even blog more!

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